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| Exactly like this, with the Tom Green character being played by Yours Truly. |
Jeff and Avi finally left today. Jeff's car cost somewhere around $1600 to repair, half of which he borrowed from Mick and half from Avi.
Last night, as we sat together until 4 am in my suite's lounge, drinking vodka and talking, Jeff started talking about how he could possibly pay everyone back, especially since he couldn't let his parents know (they thought he was training with his unit in Virginia Beach this weekend). He doesn't have any cash readily available and he ships out in 4 weeks.
If he works odd jobs, he'll need to make between $1600 to $2000 in four weeks (depending, of course, on how much of it is under the table). That comes out to $400 to $500 a week or $100 every day. Assuming $8/hour (unskilled work and odd jobs, that's likely), he'll need to work 12.5 hour days, five days a week from now until then.
"Fuucccccckkkk... there's gotta be an easier way to make money" he groaned.
I awkwardly cleared my throat. "You could do porn..."
"What?"
"I mean... a gay site will pay a few hundred dollars, maybe more than a thousand, for a single shoot. A couple weekends, and you're all paid off."
"I'm not doing any gay shit."
"Don't have to... I know that some of the sites film straight porn and some do solo scenes."
"Yeah... but I don't want to do anything that morally rehensible" (I assume he meant "reprehensible")
Mick jumped in at this point. "What about Friday night?"
Friday night, Jeff had gotten absurdly wasted at a party. At some point, he lost his pants and started humping anyone he could while dancing. After a while, he went outside, and in the dead center frat quad started pissing. When a girl passing by exclaimed, "oh my god, what are you doing?!" He replied with a slurred "I'm pissing, bitch!"
"Okay," Jeff said, "but I was drunk..."
"Or what about Sunday night?" Avi interjected.
Sunday night, Jeff had attempted to cheat on his girlfriend. Specifically, he tried to cheat on his girlfriend with the current ex-girlfriend of Jason, a close friend of Mick. Jason, unfortunately for everyone involved, happened to be standing next to Jeff at the time that he was hitting on said girl. Which was kinda understandable, considering that not only was it his house, but that he was also bringing Jeff a beer at the time. As things happened, even though they were broken up, Jason wasn't really over it at the time, and being sorta drunk, got into an emotional, drunken argument with Mick that led to a spiral of depression that Mick was eventually able to lift Jason out of, but not before Jason was convinced that Jeff was an asshole.
Later that night, tired of sleeping on my lounge chair, Jeff had drunkenly broken into our neighbor's suite to sleep on their couch. At some point in the night, he had drunkenly left the couch to stare jealously at Nick, one of our neighbors' who was asleep in his bed, until Jeff's loud breathing woke Nick up. Jeff then apparently kicked one of our other neighbors (we're still not entirely clear who) out of his bed and then slept in it. Jeff is no longer welcome in our neighbor's suite.
"Again, that was pretty bad, but I was like really drunk."
"But what about Saturday?" I then interjected.
Saturday, of course, was when he, still massively hungover from Friday night, hit upon the waitress at the BBQ place, and then in an attempt to pull off a crazy spin on the ice on our way to the liquor store, managed to crash his car, thus stranding him and Avi here. Avi, who missed two days of class, including an exam, thanks to the accident and who kept bailing Jeff out because he didn't have any money and couldn't ask his parents for any because he lied about where he was going so that he could drive up here.
"You know, usually, I'm not this much of an asshole..."
"Also, just earlier this evening, you mentioned how you planned to fuck your girlfriend until you shipped out, and then break up with her. So, when it comes to morally reprehensible activities, doing porn won't really top out your list."
"Ugh... alright, what do I have to do?"
I pulled out my labtop and went to Corbin Fisher's site, clicking the Be a Model link. I read the stuff off for him, and we filled it out.
"Alright, now all we need is pictures."
"Oh no, man, I can't do that."
"DO IT" Mick intoned, quickly joined by Avi. Drunken peer pressure at 4 am works wonders. I grabbed my digital camera (a gift from Joe a while back), and snapped a few photos of him. None of them were really good. Jeff's got this cute cheshire cat smile when he's really happy where his cheeks dimple and his teeth show, but he didn't break it out for any of the pics. Also, he kept squinting his left eye a whole hell of a lot, which really detracted from his otherwise good looks. He's got dark blond hair closely cropped to his head military style, stunning blue eyes, and a clean cut, boyish face.
"Now do it shirtless," Mick shouted at him.
"Fuck no... I'm not doing that!"
"Dude, it's for porn... you'll be wearing a lot less than that"
"I can't believe I'm doing this!" Jeff said as he pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside. Jeff had a broad, muscular chest covered in a layer of fur that belies his boyish face. He plans on being a navy seal. I snapped a couple pics of him, lounging in the chair, muscular arms crossed over his chest in the bathroom.
Mick read over my shoulder looking at the computer. "It says you need full body shots, dude, better lose the pants."
"Goddamnit!"
Jeff tore off his jeans, pulling a Captain Morgan pose in my room wearing only socks and boxer briefs.
"Great!" Mick shouted as I snapped more pics, "now get hard and lose the briefs!"
"FUCK NO. That's it, I'm done. I'm not getting hard in front of you guys, and I'm not taking off my briefs in front of you guys either. Why can't Rachel do it?"
"HELL No!" Mick shouted back. Rachel had been over at the suite earlier that night. She was Mick's smoking hot, sky diving, jewish drug dealer (as well as fellow student), and was legendary for 1) carrying around a mason jar of weed with her and 2) always smelling of weed, no matter where she was. Mick was hot for her, and once Jeff and Avi were cleared out and no longer embarrassing him, planned on asking her out.
Jeff was done for the night, though. He borrowed a blanket from my room and went to go to sleep in the lounge. I downloaded the pics onto my computer (obviously, I won't share them here. Jeff had a rifle in the back of his car this entire adventure. I have no intention of pissing him off), but I didn't submit the model application. I'll ask Mick later whether I should.
But seriously, looking at these past few days of adventures (including quite a few I didn't list here), it feels like a wacky college movie.
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