Now, you might be thinking "Hey Jack, isn't 17 the age of consent in New York State (where you live)? And if you, a 21 year old, fucked this kid, wouldn't you have committed rape?" And you'd be right. Which is why I didn't fuck this kid or meet up with him. But... he's 14, he's already getting laid, and he wants to be tied up. I can't ignore the little bastard. So, after sitting back and doing some thinking (by which I mean forgetting about the kid for about 10 days while I lived life and then only while lying in bed today, recovering from a nasty cold I came down with yesterday, did I realize I still hadn't emailed him), I composed the following email for him.
I think it's rather good advice overall, so enjoy:
Hey boy,
I haven't heard back from you, so I assume you've lost interest. That's probably a good thing. That said, I'd feel a bit irresponsible if I didn't end up giving you some good advice. Honestly, most of this is flat out plagiarized from Dan Savage, the rest is me.
You're 14 and you're getting laid. Now you want to start upgrading to more kinky stuff. You want to get tied up, gagged, and fucked like there's no tomorrow. That's good. Do this first.
Worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that boys will find irresistible, read—read books—so that you'll have something to say to boys (the best way to make boys think you're interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit—political shit, sporty shit, arty shit—so that you'll meet different kinds of boys in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.
Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read about condoms and STIs. Masturbate in moderation—no more than 10 times a day—and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. An asshole does not feel like a clenched fist, nor does a mouth, being fucked up the ass, dry humping, or e-stim. Vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation well later on.
So you've done all that, and now you're 17 and above the age of consent and want to get out there and get tied up. You go on grindr or A4A or manhunt or recon and find a hot guy who wants to tie you up. So far, so good.
Here's what you need to do before you hook up:
-first, make sure you know your status regarding STIs. If you're being reasonably sexually active, you should get tested out every three months for HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. Get vaccinated for Hepatitis (both A and B) and HPV. If you do it right, you should never test positive for anything, but bad luck happens.
-second, tell a good friend you trust where you're going, who you're hooking up with, and how long you should be gone. If they start getting worried about you, have them call you. If they can't reach you and think something's wrong, let them know they can call the police. Yes, that sounds excessive, and chances are you'll never need this back up, but, on the chance you do accidentally hook up with a modern Jeffrey Dahmer, you know you've got friends waiting for you.
When you do meet to hook up, trust your gut.
If you're not into the guy, if the guy seems a bit off, if you just don't feel right about it, tell him and get out. You might hurt his feelings, but so what. Sex is meant to be fun and if you're not going to enjoy it, there's no reason to go through with it.
Discuss and set limits.
Say what you are willing to do, what you would like to do, what would you like to be done to you. Set a safeword, or if you're gagged, a safe tune to hum, or something to hold in your hand and drop if you've exceeded your limit.
As a bottom/sub this is especially important. When you submit to another guy, you're expected to submit to everything the top wants to do within the limits you set. Telling the top what to do is called topping from the bottom, and is generally frowned upon. A large part of the fantasy in BDSM is the exchange of control - for the bottom, it's the thrill of being used, of not being able to control his own body - for the top, it's the excitement of being in complete control. For safety reasons, obviously there has to be limits and a way to stop the play, but for fantasy reasons, play should stop as rarely as possible.
Have safer sex
Find out about the other guy's sexual history, condom use, and testing. Be willing to honestly share your own. Use condoms. Barebacking can be very hot, but is ill-advised. If you do bareback - and please don't - do it after both of you have been recently tested. Barebacking works best in monogamous relationships.
Bondage
-if you're being tied up, make sure the top knows what he's doing with ropes. Don't let him cut off circulation or wrap anything too tightly around your neck. Make him keep a knife or scissors nearby in case you need to be untied fast
-be generous with the lube for ass play, and go slowly to loosen up
-if you're into breathplay, be exceptionally careful. Make sure that there's always an immediate way to restore airflow. For example, if you want a plastic bag over your head, make sure you've got a ring gag in and that the plastic's thin. If your top can't get the bag off, all he needs to do is poke the plastic over your open mouth, it rips a hole, you can breathe.
-if you're into sounding, use actual sounds. they exist of reason - you don't want anything breaking off inside your dick
-if you're into needle play or blood play use only sterilized instruments
Advice outside of hooking up:
Relationships:
- if you're dating someone, be honest - tell them your kinks, what you're into, share with them what you feel and why you feel it
- be patient and forgiving - chances are, anytime a boyfriend does something to piss you off, it was done out of ignorance or carelessness, point it out to him, forgive it, and move.
-Avoid drama.
School and life
-study what you enjoy and work hard at it
-find teachers that you like and talk to them
-always have a bucket list somewhere - written down, in your head, something, and always be working towards doing one of the things on the list, be that skydiving or going to Europe
- go to school in a city. Rochester, Buffalo, NYC, Boston, Pittsburgh, DC, Chicago, LA, wherever, as long as it's a city. Liberal arts schools in the middle of nowhere seem like a good idea until you get there and realize there's only 20 gay guys on campus and not another gay guy around for 50 miles.
Finally, there are resources for gay teenagers in our city where you can get STI tested, meet up with other gay teens, get tutoring for school or standardized exams, etc. Most of these resources are free, take advantage of them if you'd like.
If you have any other questions or if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to email me, text me, or call me. My number is <redacted>
Good luck, and all my best.
-Jack
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