The Prologue

When I started my freshman year of high school in the Fall of 2005, I was a skinny 14 year old kid who didn't know a single kid at my new school and, unbeknown to me, was about to be hit by a terrible case of acne.

Freshman year, I was the weird kid.  I was nerdy, I always had my nose in a book. I played sports, but they were Cross Country, Swimming, and Track, not sports like soccer or basketball or lacrosse which came with a certain social standing.

But I was happy. I enjoyed my classes, I wasn't too bad at running, and I had a couple friends. But most importantly, I had my first big crush freshman year.  Her name was Hannah* and we shared several classes and mutual friends.  I'd sit with her and some of her friends at lunch. I'd talk with her and her friends between classes.  She had a smile that always made the day seem somewhat warmer.

So, I spent a few weeks debating with myself, and decided, you know what? J. Alfred Prufrock can suck a dick.  I think she likes me, I like her, and you know what, I'll ask her out, and unlike all of these lame guys in high school, I'll ask her out romantically.

So, since it was February and Valentine's Day was coming up, I decided I'd ask her out then, and I'd have chocolate with me. Maybe even compose a song or something.  So, I sat with my friends and told them my plan.

Valentine's Day, 2006, I walked into school bright and early. And taped to my locker was an envelope that said "Hannah."  I opened it.  It was a letter from Hannah, saying in no uncertain terms, that she had no romantic interest in me whatsoever and to please not ask her out, or even try to spend time with her. I showed it to a mutual friend who promised me that not only was it from her, but that she had asked him to proofread it. Somehow, my friends had shared my plans, it had gotten back to Hannah, and she had not only rejected me before I asked her out, but the entire school knew of it before I did.

At swim practice that day, my teammates teased me about "hammering Hannah."  To top things off, at the end of freshman year, Hannah left, never to return to our school. I still have no idea why.  I spent the next few years keeping my crushes to myself.

And there were a lot of crushes.  Girls who I ran or swam with, girls who I was friends with, even my two best male friends I developed crushes on.  By the beginning of senior year, I had come to terms with the fact that I would never date anyone during high school, nor did it seem like a good time to come out as bi.

Of course, all of that changed the moment I met her...


*Note: no real names are used in this blog.  Every name mentioned is a randomly chosen pseudonym.