Father Abraham

I just got back from a rugby game followed by a rugby social. Rugby socials are a long-standing tradition where, after a game, the two opposing teams come together and drink heavily. Usually, rugby songs are sung.

During the social, somehow a drunken debate popped up over what makes something "gay."  One camp held that an action was only gay if "balls touch," another argued it's not gay if you say something manly afterward, and a third held that it's not gay if you're not hard.  The debate was left unresolved when rugby songs started up.

Rugby songs are filthy, obscene ditties that just about every rugby player knows. Some of the lyrics vary from team to team and some teams know some songs that another team doesn't, but in general if one team starts singing, the other team starts singing along.

Well, we had gotten through the usual songs of "I used to work in Chicago," "Days of the week," a few others that have slipped my mind, when the a player from the other team gets up on a chair and starts singing "Father Abraham."  Now, I don't know "Father Abraham." Neither does anyone else on my team, but we followed along as best we could, clapping in time with the music, gesturing with our arms when prompted to. "To the right" and we all stuck our arms out to the right. "To the left," and again to the left. "To the right again," we did. "To the left again." "Shirts off!" and sure enough, we took our shirts off. "Pants off." Fewer followed along this time, but I and couple others on our team did, while their entire team did. "Boxers down." Two guys on my team, myself and a senior, followed suit. And their entire team dropped their undershorts.

Here we were, standing drunkenly naked in the middle of a room full of drunk, naked rugby players. And no one sported a hard on. They then mooned us all, allowing us a pleasant view of the tattoo on most of their asses, and then the clothes went back on.  The best part was one of them shouted "none of us got hard, it's not gay!" To which Sam, the guy on our team who had been arguing that point the whole afternoon, shouted "YES!"

Good times.