How To Fuck Up Hitting On People

Earlier this evening, I was working on math homework when I decided to check out A4A.  There was  a cute guy on there who seemed like he might be sane, close by, and my type (the hookup trifecta right there), so I wen with my patented pick up line.  What follows after the jump is the transcript of that wonderful train wreck of a conversation.

You think my actual username is Jack?

Jack: Hey what's up?

hotboy91: Hey. Pan as in pansexual?



Jack: yup.

hotboy91: Sweet. I'm bi, so...almost the same.



Jack: close enough... usually.  One of my bi friends can't stand androgynous people *shrugs*


 
hotboy91: Ha...not everyone will. So...you've been with guys and girls. Well I guess you can ask me the same thing but I want the pansexual answer

Jack: a few girls, a lot of guys. you?

hotboy91: ha...only with a girl once. never with a guy, that's why I'm on here.



Jack: not a bad place to look. Any idea what you want?



hotboy91: sex..,.ha, j/k. I don't really know. Something legit, I guess. never had sex with a guy


Jack: no, no, I got that part. But are you top/bottom/verst?

hotboy91: Oohh....still, idk. I'd have to try both.



Jack: haha wow... you really are a virgin...
alright, well, where in the city are you?

hotboy91: the university...haha...I did have sex with my girlfriend however. Love it. It was only twice though

Jack: oh nice. so do I.  I'm in the sophomore dorms.



hotboy91: Lots of guys are here from the university

Jack: a decent number.  there's a good number of gay guys here.
I'm Jack, btw



hotboy91: Frank...



Jack: surprisingly large number of Franks (and other variants on that name[x]) at this school



hotboy91: Really? Only know of me and another guy. Good to know.



Jack: there were two on my freshman hall alone last year



hotboy91: I'm in the freshman dorm. So, you say you're looking for a "fuck buddy"



Jack: yeah, that's about as committed as I'm willing to get at the moment.

hotboy91: Aww...that's sad. I'll unlock my pics for you. maybe you'll see me around.



Jack: why's that sad?

hotboy91: nevermind it...no reason



Jack: haha okay then. what are you doing tonight?

hotboy91: reading a book

Jack: is it any good?



hotboy91: Ayan Rand...somewhat...not dark enough for me



Jack: really? Rand? Let me guess: either Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged

hotboy91: Atlas Shrugged. Sorry I disappeared.



Jack: it happens. I was doing webwork.
want to do something tonight?

hotboy91: Ugh...you mean you wanna do something together. And please, don't mind me, but you have a beautiful cock. Just saying.



Jack: well thank you, and yes I would like to do something

hotboy91: Like...?

Jack: rip off your clothes, suck your cock, throw you on my bed, tease you with my tongue until you beg for my cock, and then fuck you



hotboy91: Wow, I'm not that submissive. Don't really have any words for that.



Jack: ah, too much? sorry

hotboy91: It's fine. As intriguing as that sounds. Just don't think we can ...idk...meet each other. 


Jack: haha... just not your type?



hotboy91: Guess not. I can wack off for all that. Sorry. You seemed interesting at first but then you went all psycho. 


Jack: ah I see. my bad. well good luck. And John Galt's speech lasts forever, but you can pretty much sum it up with "everything I make is my stuff, and if you don't like it, fuck off"

hotboy91: Good to know, and good luck to you.


I take offense at the term "psycho." Sure, I'm a bit wild in bed, but I'm not a crazy axe murderer.  Rather, I think my graphic description of a sex act turned him off. In my defense though, he had just told me how much he liked my cock and had then asked the provocative "like...?" question.  In all of my experience, every time that is asked, the person asking wants a tantalizing, graphic, hot and steamy answer.  So, that's what I gave him. And that's what turned him off.  Whatever. He's a virgin. He'll be back.