A note on tumblrs

Every gay kid with a tumblr ends up posting half naked pictures of themselves.

Which is fantastic.

Case in point.

Finals

With holes in my head
I can still get along
Because my friends still convince me
I'm not always wrong

Yoda Moments

I'm sitting here in the school dining hall reading the newspaper. I just got out of the gym a half-hour ago because I wanted to hide from my CS homework. You see, coding is one of those Yoda moments; moments when I wish I had a Yoda like figure sitting on my shoulder explaining everything I was doing wrong. So, rather than stare at my incompetence written out for me in Java on the screen, I decided to go to the gym. Not that that's any better. I hate the gym. I hate the fact that no matter when I go, there's always at least half a dozen people there. I hate that even if I go in knowing exactly what I need to work on, I still feel like an idiot who has no idea what's going on. I wish at the gym I had a little Yoda telling me what to do. I know, I know, what I'm describing is a personal trainer. Why don't I just go with a rugby buddy? I do sometimes. Usually either with Beastmode Facefucker or Crazy Elbows. Problem with that is 1) they're both crazy, 2) they're rarely free when I am, and 3) holy shit, Elbows is crazy. He's been the leading cause of injuries on the team since 2009. Regardless, the last time I went with Beastmode, he confided he hAd a lot of the same concerns I did. Now first, I need to mention I'm in pretty damn good shape. I'm 185 lbs of height and muscle, but compared to Beastmode, I'm puny. But Beastmode pointed out that every time he's in the gym, there's always at least one guy who is even bigger and more ripped than he is, a guy who clearly knows what he's doing. And every time I go to the gym, I feel like that guy and everybody is looking at me going "jeez, what a schmuck. That guy can barely bench half his weight." And fuck, that feeling sucks. That's when I wish I had a little Yoda standing on my chest going "Lift more, you will. 6 reps, half minute break then.". Then I could just follow his advice and ignore all the little doubts. But I don't. So, I have to be my own Yoda and force myself to lift more, to study more, to won on my code more.

Thanksgiving and Family

This post has nothing to do with sex.

Only family drama. You are warned.

A note on self-control

Straight guys will never have to deal with this issue.

The fact is that at any moment I want, without leaving my room, without even getting dressed, I could go on to Craigslist, Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Recon, Grindr, etc and find a hot twink within a mile of me begging for my cock. Within five minutes of finding that twink, I could be at his door. Within another five minutes, I could be fucking his ass, less if he warmed himself up beforehand.

The fact that this choice is available to me is terrifying.   There are ten 18 year olds alone who posted on Craigslist in the past 48 hours.  And I love sex, I crave sex.  For two days, I've resisted the urge to respond to boys who post images like this:

By the way, this? This is my ideal boy. He's 5'6" 120 #.

It's just so easy, so tempting. And why don't I? Because this is Thanksgiving, it's time I've specifically reserved for catching up on reading, for hanging out with old friends, for spending time with family.

And you know what? My will-power finally cracked. I messaged Hottie McAsian above here.  Him and only him. He probably won't reply, and I'll spend the rest of the holiday break doing what I should: homework and hanging with friends. But if someone sets a buffet of chocolate cakes in front of me, don't be surprised if I grab a cupcake in passing.

Shitshow 2011

It's 2:00 AM on Saturday November 12 and I'm blogging this from the bathroom of a hotel just outside of Washington, DC.  I feel like I have to rewind a bit.

Reblog: The Manifesto from A Bi Kid's Life

I've grown rather convinced that there's a huge segment of the male population that's bi, but too closeted to act on it.  Hell, if I was in college 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago, I wouldn't have come out.  I like girls, I like pussy, and back then liking dick was asking to get punched.  There still is a stigma against bi guys.  There's the old, tired refrain that no one's really bi, just confused.  That if you like dick, you have to be gay and you're just using the label bi as a stepping stone, a halfway point before actually coming out.

Now, I believe that there are a lot of guys who like dick and are bi.  Tough, masculine guys. Guys who will probably grow up, marry a girl, pump out a few kids, but still love cock.

Why do I believe this?  Because I believe that sexuality is something biologically based, that a man's attraction to another man is based on genes and hormones.  And I believe the percentage of guys who like cock has remained fairly constant throughout history. And I've read enough history to know that guys who liked guys are fairly common.

Think on this, of the first 15 Roman Emperors, only Claudius is reported to have not liked men. Now, I'm not saying the first 15 Roman Emperors were gay, I assume most of them were bi. Maybe one was gay (cough, cough Caligula).  But only Claudius was said to have not like men.  And even that historical fact is somewhat disputed, as it was reported by Suetonius who was using it as a larger charge that Claudius was overly influenced by women. [1]

The great figures of Ancient Rome and Greece abounded with flaming cock-loving. So, what happened? Were they faking it this entire time? Did those genes die out?  Or, more likely, did the social opprobrium against homosexuality condemn it to silence and whispers for a thousand years?  I feel the latter is more likely to be correct.

But now, we have a new generation of guys who are tough, manly, pussy-loving men who love cock. And they're coming out and saying "Hey, I'm here, I'm not a fucking queer, but I do like man-on-man ragers."

One of the best statements of this that I've read recently is The Bisexual Manifesto.  It's author says, in short, "I'm an athlete, a student, a college guy.  I'm tall, I'm athletic, I like to party, I plan on working hard after school, I fuck girls. But I also like to fuck guys.  I love my parents, I pray to God, I play football. I'm tough and I'm not a pussy.  But I'm scared as shit to come out, because if I do, everyone will think I'm gay, with all the stereotypes attached."

And I agree with every word of it.  I'm bi, and I'm out. I'm 20 years old, 6'1", 190 lbs.  I play rugby, I study hard, I drink and smoke weed socially.  I hit on girls, and I hit on guys. I'm bi, but that doesn't mean I'm weak, or queer, or any of those other stereotypes you want to throw at me. It means I'm me.